Me Right Now. 26/05/2005

*A Poem About Depression*

Feel so lost, like I’m in a deep hole with no end.
Constantly blaming myself, will the pain ever end?.
I’m all alone here in this death trap, everyday hurts more than the first.
In my mind I’m running, I’m running faster & faster.
I’m running away, I’m trying not to look back but it’s chasing me, trying to destroy me.
I won’t let it
I’m scared of what might happen so i keep running more & more.
Til my heart can’t take it no more.
I collapse, i cover myself up & cry.
Cry each day & each night.
Praying one day I’ll win this fight.
Forever holding onto my dreams, my hope & my pride.
I refuse to let this poison evil overpower me.
I’ve been through too much to back down now.
Mates advice comes flooding back but even that can’t help me anymore.
I’m constantly arguing with myself inside with what to do.
It’s a downwards spiral of hurt, pain & suffering.
I know i can’t keep running but it’s all i know right now.
I need to do this on my own.
Overcome my demons & come out stronger than before.
I’m gonna look back at this & remind myself to move on.
Maybe I’m too scared to move on.
I’m scared of losing people, but i need to forget them otherwise it will just hurt me more.
No one knows who i feel.
Demons let me go, let my spirit flow & let my heart grow & glow.
I wanna be me again, i hate who i am now.
I refuse to hurt myself again.
I will grow up everyone does.
Each days a challenge.
So here’s the bet.
I will move on & forgive & forget.
I want my trademark back.
I don’t like being sad, moody & bitchy.
I wanna be hyper & happy.
Please lord help me.
I’m gonna do it this time.
I need to cause if i don’t I’ll be stuck in this death trap & I’ll die in it too.


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