Blog 09/10/2021

Apologies if you’ve been waiting for a new blog or post on this site.

I’ve been going through up & down anxiety over the last few weeks (all sorted).

Been doing abit of reminiscing this morning.

And decided to call my teens my stupidity years & 20s my dickhead years.

My reasons for those years being labelled is because in my teens i was obsessed with finding a boyfriend. So much so as to ask my friend at the time to dump her bf so i could get with him *CRINGE* Yes definitely STUPIDITY years. And also desperate……….

Needless to say my 20s weren’t much better in that department (a toxic relationship that ended & 6x 1 night stands in the space of 6-8 months to be precise as i was desperate to feel loved at the time. So no i wouldn’t class it as hoe-ing around in the drop your knickers Olympics).

That’s only 1 aspect of my Dickhead Years.

In the early 2000s after shortly leaving school (school leaver in the big wide world). I found myself working part time as a cashier. At the time i was looking for a full time job and wanted a career………… *eye roll*.

Looking back 12years later (in my early 30s).

That was my favourite job out of all of them.

Looking back i learnt so much from the people i used to work with.

From the matriarchs (ladies i looked up to) to the wind up merchants (who brightened your day when you were feeling low).

Retail was fun (playing crazy frog briefly on the tannoy, making friends, helping people, the Christmas & New Year rush).

So why did i fuck it all up & quit?.

Because back then I wanted to be “with the love of my life 24/7”.

*cue the violins & Jackanory tell me a story*

Vom……….

Yeah that love story turned into a horror story & needless to say it didn’t end well.

I got teary eyed this morning thinking about all those amazing people who in hindsight helped shape me in my working life. Whilst having fond memories, i also have regrets mainly being letting some of them down (Eg… me not covering their shift when they needed to be somewhere important *I’m sorry*).

I miss them all & still remember their names (wish i remembered their last names so i could look them up).

I just wanted to say if you come across this & worked with a chatterbox 17year old who thought they knew it all from September 2005. In a store that was taken over by a bigger supermarket store in a little village.

Thank You.

Thank You for teaching me the ropes (not just for the job role but for also being role models for how to be nice people). Trust me I’m not the blabbermouth i was back then.

I’m not proud of how i behaved or who i was in my 20s (that person was such a dickhead).

I guess the meaning of this blog was………

Whatever you’re doing in life.
Wherever you are.
Whoever you’re with.

Ask yourself this……….

Are
YOU
Happy?

Can you honestly say in 12 years time that you can look back & not have any regrets? Whether from

Behaviour.
Choices
&
Actions.

Even the person that you’re with.

For me personally from looking back.

I had the ideal job & the staff were epic.

At the time i chose the relationship which turned out to be toxic.

Looking back…… if i could kick 21 year old me into shape…… i would.

I had the ideal job for me.

However i chose the wrong bloke for me back then. Trust 21 year old me wouldn’t be making that choice again.

No Way.

Spiritual aspect………..

It was part of the soul contract.

Part of evolving & learning.

Going through it to learn things & steps for the next chapters of ones life.

Learning the red flags & setting firm boundaries.

Where i am in life now?

Right now I’m just going with the flow.

Honestly at present the relationship I’m in i don’t see myself getting married or making that commitment. Yeah it’s 7years going on 8 (if we get there). But I’ve never viewed it as forever as his match could appear at any moment (I doubt we’re soul mates or even twin flames). I don’t think I’m his perfect match and that’s me being honest.

Mainly because there’s a few bits that need tweeking & my patience is running thin.

But the other aspect is……

Maybe I’ve got a few more things to learn before i evolve/change/step into the next chapter. And genuinely grow into a better version of me than i am today.

Whether my current partner is who I’m meant to be with? Only what’s written in my soul contract knows. But I’ve got a feeling of my own………..

Wherever you are in the World/Gaia.

Have a Blessed Day ❀

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