Facing Fears From Years Gone By Poem *E* 22/04/2022

*This poem is about someone very special to me. A part of my heart that was taken long ago. You’ve never got to see the real me due to me feeling vulnerable. I admit I haven’t been the best & there will always be memories i wish i could go back & change. I’m facing my biggest fear now (although I went through that fear when you left the first time, all those years ago) back then i didn’t think I’d make it (I’ve never told you that part of the story). That’s a tale for another time. I will always love you that will never change.*

So Farewell my darling, I’ll miss you.
I never intended to, en-cage you.
All i ever wanted was to, protect you.
By setting boundaries, but that just enraged you.
I understand more now, than i did back then.
Back when you were growing, into a little person.
I tried so hard, to keep you safe.
When in hindsight i should of listened, & given you space.
Space to grow, freedom to breathe.
Instead of thinking i knew better, now you wanna leave.
There’s so much, i wish i could tell you.
Show you who i really am, tell you how much i love you.
For so many years, I’ve hidden my inner scars.
In doing so the pain i felt, kept us part.
You saw a stranger, not the real me.
You saw a person, addicted to authority.
Trying to do right, ended doing wrong.
The try-to-be perfectionist circle, kept going on & on.
Years go by, my feelings never change.
I’ll always love you, despite some pain.
Pain from the past, from what happened & what was said.
Years of depression, anxiety & stress.
Sometimes, you saw me at my worst.
I know I’ve said somethings, that must of hurt.
I’m sorry for all, what was said & done.
There’s 2 sides to a coin, you’ve only heard one.
One day when you’re older, hopefully we’ll sit down.
I’ll share with you your beginning, into this crazy world.
I’ll open up my old wounds, my heart to you.
I’ll allow who i once was, to be shown to you.
The woman who tried so hard to keep you safe.
The woman who was hurt, in a few nasty ways.
One thing will always ring true.
The day that test came back positive & I knew I was expecting you.
So much joy & excitement that followed.
You have been loved from the start, that was never for-shadowed.
My brave beautiful headstrong babygirl.
You’re a fierce shining light, in this sometimes dark world.
They say time heals, atleast it’s meant to.
Maybe this time apart, will help us both renew.
I really didn’t wanna do this, I’ve feared it for so many years.
Thinking of it then & now, never lessens the tears.
I knew one day, you’d wanna go your own way.
There was always a fear, of you never wanting to see me.
I’m finally facing it now, & it hurts like a bitch.
Like a torn in your side, that constant twitch.
I know wherever you are, you’re gonna be ok.
I hope our paths, cross again someday.
I will always love you, that will never change.
Who I AM protects you, in many different ways.
You have always been divinely protected, precious young one it’s true.
Wherever you are, whatever you do.
My heart will always, be with you.
May you grow strong, brave & true.
May your dreams take wings, & your horizons always be baby blue.
I have loved you ALWAYS My Babygirl.


2 thoughts on “Facing Fears From Years Gone By Poem *E* 22/04/2022

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