Instagram Mini Blog 17/07/2022

When i was advised to Focus On Myself a month ago.

I really didn’t like it.

I went through feel-in-gs of….

Mild depression.
Up & down moods.
Grief at evolving connections.

I went through a few moments of abandonment (& that’s when the ‘Victimhood’ persona/shadow was screaming in my face).

I genuinely felt lost & deeply alone.

It became a cycle as the weeks passed.

Yet, when i looked deeper into why i was feeling that way (when we’re faced with those emotions. It can be from other people mirroring at times/deep wounds/trauma/past etc. Thus we need to look within ourselves to find the root & start the healing).

I refused to rush this healing & sat with it for 3-4weeks. Acknowledging each emotion that popped up, deeply examining it (have I felt this way before? If so why?).
How can i resolve this & clear/heal the cycle once & for all?.

Turns out………

I didn’t know myself.
I didn’t trust myself.
At times i truly hated being on my own as I went through cycles of looking back, wreaking my brain for past solutions & overthinking.

For me, this has been the toughest cycle I’ve had to break.

Facing myself.
Forgiving myself.
Finding myself.

I’ve been throughly observing my behaviour under a mindful microscope each moment also.

I’m still uncovering forgotten childhood hobbies which I enjoyed (I’ve discovered painting has been a release for me).

At present, I’m anti-social.
As I know there are aspects of grey shadows/shades which will need attention & healing as/when they pop up. And for me to fully clear those cycles, they will need my attention (as well as living my life each day/each moment).

I’ve found I’m not looking forward to days (pay day, days out etc). Infact I’m looking forward to BEing present in each moment (& miraculously doing so has also stopped the heart palpitations & anxiety. Which I AM over the moon ).

I’m more chilled out & mindful.
I still love the connections I’ve made (as each 1 has taught me so much & I will carry the knowledge with me each step I take going forward).
I’m emerging.
I’m evolving.
I’m nurturing, nourishing, encouraging & supporting myself.
Every moment & each step.

One thought on “Instagram Mini Blog 17/07/2022

  1. I am glad for commenting to make you understand what a beneficial experience my wife’s child went through reading through your blog. She even learned some pieces, not to mention what it is like to have a wonderful coaching spirit to make folks easily master chosen tortuous things. You undoubtedly exceeded her expected results. Thanks for displaying those great, trusted, edifying not to mention cool thoughts on the topic to Kate.


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