I’m sitting here.
Listening to cheesy 90s music & letting the tears fall.
After 2/3years of having dreams where the usual individual would pop up in.
From moments of racking my mind trying to decipher if the individual was twin flame or an infatuation made by my subconscious mind.
I think I’ve finally cracked the code.
(And yes i should of told them many many years ago in that school line when they looked at me & said “did you get the card?” My response should have been “yes & i feel the same”. Gathered my mum wouldn’t leave me alone & let me read the sodding thing in peace then maybe things would of turned out differently. Sadly they went the opposite.).
I’ve realised in these moments.
Long ago that bright, bubbly, not give a fuck, happy go lucky attitude was who i was meant to be.
The love of making people happy regardless of whether they were laughing with me or at me. At the time i really didn’t give a shit aslong as they were happy.
In these moments today, i had an epiphany.
Yes we all go through shit as we grow, but they have given us the tools to BEcome who we came here to be.
I’ve learnt alot over the last 30years.
The young girl who used to go to Junior school who was genuinely happy & care free.
Before all the shit hit the fan.
Teen years of being bullied & trying to fit in.
Those teen years of trying to get a boyfriend just to brag to friends that you’ve got one.
When at 1 point kids were self harming in school & carving ‘art’ into their skin because they thought it looked cool/new trend.
Surprisingly the teachers done Fuck All!.
I’m telling you now there was alot less safe guarding in schools in the late 90s/early 2000s than there is today.
Even kids being threatened by verbally teachers, the head teacher didn’t bat an eyelid.
Fuck You Secondary School!. No wonder kids bunked off!.
Even after leaving school i learnt alot.
1st break up.
Learning to live as an adult & sort your own shit.
1st toxic relationship.
Broken & suicidal.
Years of jumping through hoops.
As much as I’d love to go back & change a few bits (ok a shit load). I’ve learnt so much along the way.
In these moments, I’m at peace. For the 1st time (during this cycle of the month I’m normally a whirlwind of emotions) yet I AM at peace. Peace i haven’t felt in a long time.
I’m merging with the girl i used to be (i feel her gifts are what the world needs right now. Love, Laughter & Courage to Stand Up & hopefully wake others up).
For so long I’ve held onto that individual that comes to me in dreams. I thought they were who i was meant to be with (twinflame). I didn’t realise til today, that maybe, just maybe. They were who my subconscious was showing me because they visually linked me to that little girl. No matter how many times i got frustrated by the dreams & i would argue with myself in my mind (*me to Universe* why you showing me this? He’s taken. He doesn’t remember me. He’s happy. I won’t disturb him. I’ll protect him by staying away.).
Such precious memories of Junior school years. Not just because i was a happy go lucky 10year old with a neon green gym bag with neon purple handles & the bag had glitter glue stick inside.
But because the 2 people i turned to were alive.
Many more were alive & when they passed it caused a massive ripple effect for many in the family.
A family pet who became a big part of my life was still alive. Despite the endless white dog hair that was everywhere.
It still makes my heart ache looking back that far. I miss that period of my life dearly. So much so that in these moments, my throat feels choked up & tears are starting to fall.
I didn’t think my Spiritual Awakening Journey would also make me go back & mentally revisit who i used to be.
The childlike version of me that was free, happy go lucky, full of jokes & laughter.
Maybe, just maybe.
That’s what were meant to be doing.
Merging with our inner child.
The bright light period in our lives.
That little person who said ‘let’s give this a go & if it doesn’t work out, it’s ok’.
Who knew that someone so young (our younger selves) could have such a huge impact on us in these present moments.
Maybe that’s who we came here to be. Yet we needed to learn a few things (when the shit hit the fan) to help us to learn & evolve.
Maybe now is the time for us to bring who we were back so they can help lift the Collective Consciousness of Humanity.
It’s true what the saying says.
Be who you came here to BE.
Many may feel they’ve lost touch with their inner child.
As we grow it’s easy to forget.
The feelings of excitement.
The WOW moments.
The moments that make you gaze in wonder at the magic you see in beautiful moments.
My inner child she’s truly a marvel. And i honestly didn’t know it at the time. How much of a fundamental part of my life she is/was. That girl could of gone on to go great things, instead life happened & lessons were learned.
In these moments (& i hope for so much longer) I AM going to bring her more to the surface & hopefully merge with her. And in time, evolve & BEcome Who I came here to BE.
After all if i didn’t follow the guidance in the dreams due to repeatedly seeing that individual, this website wouldn’t of come to fruition.
I know now, the Universe will keep gently nudging me til i understand what it’s trying to say/show me. And i am truly grateful that it’s shown me what i needed to see. So i can awaken.
Maybe the individual was a representation of how to remember my inner child (happy Junior school years).
I know now (well atleast I’m starting to understand). Who I Came here to BE.
And 10year old me is a big part of who i am/came here to BE.
Her hairs in a messy ponytail.
She’s a whirlwind of wonder, grace & laughter.
She’s an explorer.
She’s a runner & a jumper.
And to me………….
She’s truly amazing.
And I’m going to take my time getting to know her again (my beautiful inner child. I Love You. I AM Grateful to You & I Honour You with this Blog).
Wherever you are in the world/Great Mother Gaia. I hope you have a blessed day/night.
I’m sitting here.