I felt the urge to write this blog.
As some know I have been feeling anxious these last couple of weeks.
Now some may be asking…
“What have you got to be anxious about?”.
Like it’s become a competition or you’ve possibly felt your thoughts/feelings are irrational when compared to someone else’s life.
At times for me it’s felt like a conversation stopper.
As I’ve felt the urge to close myself off (unable to express how I was feeling as I felt inferior/what I was feeling/thought didn’t matter in the grande scheme of things).
For example- someone out there was probably having a harder time than I was.
Whilst it stopped the conversation progressing, the feeling was still there. Merely buried under the surface.
Only to reveal itself years later down the line when we’re sat on a counselling couch talking through our emotions with a professional.
What I’ve learnt & that continues to ring true for me these last couple of weeks is…..
You’re allowed to feel.
You’re allowed to cry.
You’re allowed to feel those low emotions (sadness, anger, fear, frustration, anxiety, depression etc).
We Feel it to Heal it.
For so long I’ve held onto the anxiety which came after I experienced an heart palpitation.
Instead of acknowledging it ‘that felt weird/scary, ok let’s move on’. Instead I attached to it ‘oh shit why is this happening to me?!’.
Attaching to the fear/anxiety, I became scared of living in each moment ‘is this going to trigger a heart palpitation?’. ‘I’m scared of being on my own’.
That 1 brief moment of my heart skipping a beat (heart palpitation) become 2weeks of on & off heart palpitations which triggered anxiety.
2 whole weeks of of jitter bug anxiety.
Instead of just feeling & letting go.
I attached & the anxiety grew thus causing more heart palpitations.
Looking back if I’d just said to myself in those moments
‘hello heart, I see you, I feel you & I love you’.
Breathed deep a few times (conscious breathing) and got on with my day.
Instead of freezing in anxiety (thus causing more heart palpitations due to being anxiety triggered).
My heart is fine & my bloods are fine (Monday’s anxiety triggered an A&E trip resulting me being hooked up to an ECG machine).
I’ve got my Loop earplugs in whilst I’m writing this. I didn’t realise until today’s moments how noise could over stimulate me (thus anxiety started to pop up). I’m breathing normally & deeply at times as I can hear my own heart beating though my system which is very grounding & comforting.
My advice to you reader is…
Don’t shut yourself off.
You’re in competition with no one.
You’re feelings are valid.
Let someone know if you’re having a rough time. Even if you’re feeling amazing speak to someone.
Thoughts & feelings have become so stigmatised.
And at times some may have felt the need to isolate due to having low emotions.
Please don’t hide yourself away.
This past week I’ve learned (& I’m still learning) how to regulate my emotions whether they be high/low vibes.
And you know what I’ve learnt?.
Whatever emotion I’m experiencing, it’s ok to be.
Even as a Spiritual being, at times were taught to raise our vibration.
How are we meant to raise our vibration if at times we’re labelling low emotions as low vibe?.
An emotion is an emotion. We came here to experience a whole spectrum of emotions (the highs & the lows).
There’s no Spiritual bypassing
‘Oh I’m feeling sad, I don’t want to feel that, it’s low vibe, I’m going to hid it under a rug & be happy as fuck’.
No, it doesn’t work like that.
There’s no bypassing.
Instead you work through it.
‘Ok sadness has popped up & it’s totally fine, what thoughts come to mind? Is there anything my body wishes to tell me? Any thoughts popping up?’.
Then you work/go on from there.
A dear friend told me this week. To sit & write it out if anything comes up. So I did & I felt lighter with each word that was written.
Bypassing your emotions is a trauma response.
Don’t close yourself off from the world just because you’re feeling sad/angry/scared. It’s totally ok to feel any emotion you experience.
You’re so beautifully unique.
No one said evolving would be easy.
Yet it’s so worth it.
I’ve shed so many layers this week. It’s a beautiful feeling/knowing.
I’m not scared.
I may at times feel a little wary yet I know with each heartbeat I’m loved, I’m home, I’m becoming who I came here to be.
And what a beautiful heartbeat I have.
I love you all.
Wherever you are in the world/Great Mother Gaia. I hope you have a blessed day/night.
With Each Beat Blog 16/12/2022
I felt the urge to write this blog.