Happy New Year.
As some may know I’ve been taking some time out over the festive period to sort myself out & come back into alignment.
2022 was a year of lessons, blessings & evolving for me.
I learned so much (from letting people go, to moments of feeling lost/solitude, to finding my power & navigating my way through my journey- sometimes some parts I had loved ones beside me holding space, whilst other moments I navigated alone).
I battled heart palpitations which triggered anxiety. In July I thought I needed pills yet in December when I was given them, my core told me no. So I sought the holistic approach. Every cell screamed no when I looked at the brown paper bag containing the pills. In 2012 I was put on a high dose of antidepressants (900mg). Taking those pills back then never sorted the problem, taking the pills merely subdued me (emotionally as the chemicals of the pill doseage). The problem/situation was still there after I came off the pills.
Over the course of the festive period I focused on my breathing, focused on myself (even when I had others around me, focusing on how I was feeling in the moment really grounded me. I wasn’t panicking about making Christmas perfect & the stressful festive food shop) which ultimately in hindsight I was panicking over I just didn’t realise it.
I detached from everything that I felt might be a trigger (whether person or situation).
I never thought noises/repeated patterns could over stimulate my mind thus making my body feel constantly on edge in fight or flight mode.
In 2022 I took on too much without realising it (other people’s emotions, drama, gossip etc). I didn’t guard my energy as much as I thought I did.
I took charge those final 3weeks of December 2022. May people didn’t hear from me (apart from close loved ones who were aware of what I was feeling). Even now many people might not hear from me.
I’m guarding my energy.
I’ve been clearing out clutter & clearing things in many ways than 1.
I can’t be there for everyone.
And the cycles that I was once drawn into I won’t be apart of anymore.
Quite simply if it’s not in my highest alignment, it’s being let go of.
I made a hard difficult decision in December & I know I’m still adjusting to things now. But I knew the cycle needed to be broken to benefit both of us. Just because I have a title/role, doesn’t mean I know everything & that as I’m an elder I know what’s right (“do as I say”).
I hate conflict.
Most of my life was a blizzard of arguments & having to stand my ground & raise my voice to get my point across whether the other person heard me or not was another matter.
It doesn’t work.
None of it works when you’re trying to have a meaningful conversation with someone. Instead you end up isolating them from who you really are. They never get to see your vulnerable side, only the big mouth battle axe whose unapproachable (for fear of getting hurt).
Yeah 2022 was a rollercoaster for me.
I’m not the same as I was as we step into day 2 of January 2023.
Yes I’m still in my cosy hibernation phase but I know I’m stepping out of it in each moment as I breathe fresh air into each new moment.
I’m ready for 2023.
New experiences & memories to be made.
The last 10years nearly broke me.
2023 is the year of the Warrior Goddess.
Wherever you are in the world/Great Mother Gaia. I hope you have a blessed day/night.
The 10year/Stepping Into 2023 Blog
Happy New Year.