Pendulum Paradox Blog 07/02/2023

Today before work I was googling about because i was curious in regards to my age & the menstrual cycle.

And it got me seriously thinking.

Yes I would love another child or 2.

But not in this world with the current system.

My minds been swinging lately between home schooling & nursery. And honestly it’s been ripping me apart inside.

So much so that I’ve stuck to 1 & made a decision.

As a mother I tend to second guess things & agonise if I’m doing the right thing.

My gutt told me the answer last August in regards to the matter. So much so that my body made me feel physically sick at looking at the paperwork. Needless to say, I didn’t fill the paperwork out.

In today’s moments, I was mentally swinging again from 1 to the other. Like an acrobat on a swinging trapeze.

I was on that mental mind trapeze for a good hour or so in my mind trying to work out what to do. To the point I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.

Then I realised & rekindled with who I am.

The cycle breaker.

I remember being a kid in junior school. And a another kid came back from holiday & had brought bug treats/cakes from the place he had visited. And asked if anyone wanted to try them. Some kids & teachers were curious. However I was happy with my marmite sandwiches so I passed on the idea.

Thinking about it now in regards to the bugs being eaten/introduced to the western culture in schools. Personally I feel, that’s 1 part of the Dark narrative. The poor of society eat bugs, whilst the rich sit in their ivory towers eating proper food.

It’s a worrying time to be a mother/father. Especially when the traditional routes of life no longer interest/resonate with you.

If you’ve read my blogs before you’ll remember I’ve never used algebra in adult life & the only pie I’ve used in adult life is 1’s I’ve eaten.

You only need to look in a school classroom at the walls to see what sort of ‘education’ system you’re thinking about putting your cherished little one into.

Seriously take a long look.

As once they’re in the system that’s the bs they’ll likely be learning.

The game Lemmings comes to mind (it was on PlayStation 1 when I was a kid). 1 of the lemmings tried to save the other lemmings by leading them on a new path. But some of the lemmings followed the crowd & met their demise.

The path I’m prepared to take is new territory to me & I don’t know anyone in my family who has taken this path.

It was always nursery, junior, secondary schools, college or straight into a job when I was growing up.

I remember asking a religious studies teacher in secondary school why the swastika (nazi symbol) was also found in Christianity? Needless to say the teacher couldn’t answer that question & remained silent.

Looking back, I realise I didn’t excel in subjects which I had no interest in. Maths was one of them where if I feel I didn’t need to know, my brain would literally go “erm….. no” & I wouldn’t know the answer to the question.

Art & textiles however were different. I even got a C on my foundation GCSE course (my mother wasn’t interested. But to me I was over the moon).

I’ve had roles within the school sector. I’ve spoken to teachers & some even left the profession as they weren’t happy with the curriculum/what they were told to teach. I remember 1 conversation where I was speaking to a teacher years ago & she stated her daughter was stressed out with exams & that she herself was leaving the profession as she was unhappy also. I’ve also met teachers who were on maternity leave & who weren’t looking forward to going back.

I’ve had teachers who used to threaten kids when I was at school (and when the incident happened the head of year DONE FUCK ALL ABOUT IT!).

And I’ve also had/met teachers who taught because they actually gave a shit about the children.

I’m sure we all remember those teachers (Thompson, Du’Cann, Simpson, Shearman, Jones) who actually gave a shit.

And the least favourite.

I won’t name names & with any luck I’d like to think they’ve left the profession now (although I found nothing professional about them other than being professional C-yoU-Next-Tuesdays) and that’s as polite as I can put it in these early Tuesday moments.

The system has failed so many. A close friend of mine was stabbed in secondary school. The same school in which a headmaster was having an affair with a student’s mother. Funnily enough at the time if a pupil brought that particular newspaper article to school they were expelled for the day or longer.

The travesty.

And those bad moments I mentioned were at secondary school.

Primary- breeze.
Junior- breeze.
Secondary- shit. Could you blame anyone for bunking off/not going in?.

Yet I’m sure things aren’t the same like they were in the 90’s/early 2000’s.

For me, I’ve seen the work on the walls in the classroom & from what I’ve seen. I don’t want my children learning that. I’d rather they learnt something they were actually interested in (yet I do acknowledge Maths, Science & English as key development lessons).

As well as KEEPING physical currency (cash & coins).

Horticulture (growing your own food & learning the ways of the land & how to farm).

Cooking (from tree/field/berrybush to table).

Meditation & mental health (breathwork, Tai Chi, Qi Gong etc).

Art & music (as a form of creative release).

Foraging (berries, herbs, plants, mushrooms etc) & making natural tinctures/creams/oils etc.

Learning how to store & preserve food (food preservation). And in doing so limit waste.

In this day & age it seems to all be about technology (game consoles & gaming apps).

When I was a kid we played kurbie (where you’d bounce a ball from 1 pavement curb to another with you on 1 side & your friend on the other).

I remember playing it with a gym ball once & that was fun.

Knock down ginger was another one.

40-40 in (another one).

Cats cradle (a game with string).

And rounders (baseball to the USA readers).

There was also the hand games (see-see my bunny was 1). Where you’d clap hands with a friend & sing a rhyme.

Simple games like hopscotch & what’s the time Mr wolf.

A children’s trim trail/obstacle course.

None of this techno solo phone/tablet crap.

Even a board game (monopoly, mouse trap, connect 4, hungry hippos, frustration etc).

Now you see………

We’ve become disconnected.

From the education system which moulds some minds into the hive mentality.

To the isolation of modern technology (Cell phones which have for some, became actual cells of isolation).

I’ve rather raise free spirited, free thinking children.

Than have a child upset & stressed out in a system which aims (at times) to mould them into a robot off a conveyor belt.

Instead of letting their minds evolve their own interests (letting their creativity & actual interests in subjects which they’re interested in grow).

Free thinkers.

Not hive mentality.

Since starting & finishing this blog. I’ve had a deeper understanding as to why I’ve seen the things I’ve seen. And a deeper understanding of why I’m doing things a different way & paving my own path.

The old system failed me.
Just like it’s failed so many others.
Even ones who are in school now silently struggling & longing to make it to leavers day so they to can walk their own path.

So many are home educating for a reason.
And more are turning to home education each day.

Surely that in itself says/screams something.

Finally my 5hour long metaphorical pendulum (thinking) has stopped swinging………..

For those who are experiencing a similar experience I hope your mind eases & you find some peace. I know it’s not an easy path to follow especially as you’re going against the ‘norm/traditional route’.
Your instincts/intuition is strong for a reason.
I’m sure your gutt instinct will heighten when something doesn’t sit right/well with you.
Trust it.
And full most- Trust Yourself.

And I’m sure this isn’t the only cycle you’ve encountered/broken/changed/shifted/transformed Cycle Breaker.

Wherever you are in the world/Great Mother Gaia. I hope you have a blessed day/night.


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