Society & Lineage Blog 09/02/2023

This blog is a trigger one.

So whilst I was at work in the early hours of today. I was thinking about a moment I had yesterday whilst I was sitting in the car with my mum.

I was telling her how little one really enjoyed the nursery she’s at.

And all she could ask was “is it a hippie nursery?” & continue to ask why “she isn’t at a particular nursery which I went to as a kid”.

Granted I was drained yesterday & yawning at 4pm.

I’ve had the discussion & boundaries talk with my mum over & over for the past year.

I told her how sick I felt at looking at the mainstream nursery paperwork (my gutt instinct screaming at me).

As those who are aware, emotions are stored in the body & if not properly acknowledged, healed & released, they can manifest physical symptoms in the body.

The body’s last cry out to sort your emotions/thoughts/feelings as it’s in pain.

If you’re new to the concept I recommend Julia Cannon’s book Soul Speak (Julia is the daughter of Dolores Cannon who created the QHHT method).

Even though I was physically sitting next to her in my car.

Although she could see me.

She couldn’t hear me.

And as the minutes passed whilst I was at work. I went deeper into how I was feeling & connected with my inner child.

A memory was brought to the surface from my teens years.

Of me cutting the top of my arm on my wrist (self harming). I never went near the fragile veins on my inner wrist as I wasn’t suicidal. I was depressed back then.

I remember self harming that particular time in front of my mum. The reason I remember that particular memory was because I added baking soda & lemon juice to the cut in front of my mum. To show her how much I was hurting on the outside. We’d been arguing (which was a common thing between us which continued on long past my teen years). In truth we still don’t get on to this day. I’ve actively kept my distance & honestly I speak to my mum alot less than I speak to others (I trust very few & those who I do speak to I trust).

It made me think.

Yes she saw me.

But she didn’t hear me.

And sadly that aspect is still present to this day.

So I went deeper into thinking & speaking to my inner child.

And the deeper I went, the more sadness I felt.

I remember my mum bringing up my past mistakes with my eldest (& yes at times my mum did use it as ammunition against me).

And sadly, some of what she said long ago still stings to this day.

A memory of when my mum used to come round (years ago) & critise the mess of the front room. “Oh if you don’t tidy this, social services will come round”.

Even if the room had toys over the floor where the little one had been playing.

Because my mum said that 1 sentence. It placed the fear within me so much so that I kept tidying the front room.

I remember my little one looking at my yesterday. A look I will remember. We were at nursery in the inside toy section & she gave me a look which I thought said “Can I play?”.

I didn’t realise until I started connecting the pieces today from who I am & speaking to my inner child.

I didn’t realise until today’s moments. How much we actually pass on to our children/lineage.

I felt like crying at work when I made that realisation.

I’d passed the cycle of outdated behaviour on.

I went deeper.

A memory popped up of my eldest in regards to her hearing. I remember her telling me once she didn’t wear her hearing aids as she felt I didn’t like them.

Looking back, it wasn’t that I didn’t like them. Back then I felt she didn’t need them.
And in today’s moments the deeper I went into that onion layer/memory.

The more I began to understand why.

No one else in the family had experienced hearing aids.

It was new.

And as I began to realise & connect the jigsaw pieces from that memory up til now.

It clicked.

My mum couldn’t hear me. Because I was breaking with tradition & taking a new path.

I didn’t listen to my eldest in regards to the hearing aids as it was new to me. Uncharted territory.
I was so small minded back then I didn’t listen because I was stuck in the loop of “You’re the child, I’m the Adult/I’m you’re mother”.

Then the old line……….

“Children should be seen & not heard”.

That line…….

That fucking trauma hiding piece of shit line!.

How many times have you heard that line in your life?.

For me I heard it alot.

And do you know what that line reminds me of?.

A mask!.

A mask of silence.

Like the blue masks some wore in 2020.

It wasn’t a mask to protect you.

It was a mask to stop you breathing fresh air.

To dehumanise you.

A mask that symbolised enslavement.

Just as many have silenced their kids/were silenced as kids with that 1 line.

It all clicked into place today.

And yes I have experienced a heart palpation whilst writing this blog.

The old systems which were seen as traditional.

They failed us.

So I ask each of you who have read this blog to really look around you.

And if you have children or work with children (nursery, schools, universities) even teenagers/young adults.

Please see them.
Please hear them.
Please actively listen to them.
Please open your mind & help them.

Trauma is passed down not just through family lineages but also society.

My mum may have given me life.
Yet she can see me & not hear me.

And I’ve realised from yesterday’s moments.

How sometimes she attacks what she doesn’t understand (I asked her to come with us to nursery. Yet she only planned on interrogating the nursery leader with questions).

So I revoked my invitation.

How many times have you felt attacked (mentally, emotionally & sometimes maybe physically) for wanting to pave your own path & not follow the traditional route?.

Break the cycle.

Wherever you are in the world/Great Mother Gaia. I hope you have a blessed day/night.

©KM2023