21st/23rd Blog

*I wrote this on 21/02/2023. On the day the experience happened*


So……..

I had a panic attack earlier (due to feeling an intense heart palpation).

My heart is fine.

It’s crazy how it was caused due to walking into a hot office environment.

All I could think was “I need to get back to my partner” & once my appointment was over I drove home.

I dumped my bag on the front room floor & gave him a cuddle (even if he was busy on the toilet).

He asked what was up & I told him.

He held me for a moment then sorted himself out & washed his hands.

Then he gave me a long cuddle. He didn’t even mind that I was crying my eyes out as the panic attack went into full swing.

After 20mins or so more of cuddling, my breathing eased.

My tears dried.

My heartrate went back to normal.
I was yawning (& as many know yawning is the heart releasing pent up energy).

The panic attack melted away.

So did all the questions about whether we should stay together.

It melted away.

You see, I knew after that brief skipped beat (heart palpation) that he was the one I wanted to see/get back to.

I wanted to be held in his arms & cuddled.

Like a safe sanctuary where I can release stored emotions & let the tears flow.

For the past 2weeks I wasn’t sure if we should be together yet during those moments of panic I knew he was the 1 I wanted to hold me at my most vulnerable.

I knew my heart next to his (cuddling) would calm me.

I knew his arms around me would hold me.

I knew his fingers would run up & down my spine to calm my mind & brush away any pent up/stored emotions.

I knew his scent/natural smell would cocoon me like a familiar scent to ease my emotions/mind.

And although I do at times wonder if I have a twin flame (due to a man I see frequently in my dreams).

I know my partner is here now physically holding & supporting me when I feel at my most vulnerable (tears & snot included 😅).

And although I know at times we do clash.

I know there’s no one else I’d think to run to when those uneasy feelings (heart palpation/panic attacks) happen.

In these moments, I AM grateful I didn’t go through the panic attack alone.

I’m so chilled I could easily go for a nap (something I was planning on doing when I got home. But instead ended up in a whirlwind of a panic attack).

A message if I do have a twin flame-

Know that I am ok & that I am supported & loved with the physical man I’m with (although at times i feel distant like we’re on different frequencies. I know he’s there with open arms should I feel I need to be comforted).
I trust the Universe wholeheartedly.
All in Divine Timing.
See you soon.

-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-☆-

*23/02/2023- I woke up today & felt really refreshed.

I began to contemplate why I may have had the experience I had on Tuesday (21/02/2023).

Where I was when I felt the sensation, the room was hot.

Plus over the last few days I hadn’t been getting adequate sleep (my sleep pattern was out of sync).

I found myself in a moment of feeling unable to switch off lastnight & realised I was in fact shallow breathing (short breaths not proper breathing when you fully expand your lungs).

I had been caught in a familiar cycle which I slipped back into without being fully conscious of the steps/pattern as I was so wrapped up in the feeling/worry of the experience/sensation.

I began to be afraid of breathing (hence the shallow breaths). A cycle I have often dwelled & stayed in for too long. I wasn’t truly living for the past 2days. I felt docile & vulnerable. Worried the slightest raise in my heart rhythm (walking fast) would trigger an ectopic beat & fear that I would spiral into a panic attack again like I did a few days prior on the 21st. So today I’m determined to live. I’ve brushed those ectopic beats off before even when I’m alone & I know I can do it again.

You see long ago (a few years ago when I was experiencing them on & off regularly) I got so used to worrying about them, I infact manifested them due to focusing/worrying about them so much.
I even remember a chat with a friend & she told me to be mindful of how much attention I give the beats as I would manifest more if I focused on them. She was right. Gotta love an Aries 💖.

It’s crazy to think, although I’m more awake. How much a slight blip (a brief moment/sensation/feeling) in my whole Spiritual Awakening Journey/Evolutionary Journey. Could cause so much upheaval/panic. How that brief moment of a skipped beat could cause a spontaneous panic attack (adrenaline & cortisol racing through the system) & thus make me lose a day of simply chilling/BEing due to feeling the sensation of Fight or Flight mode (being unable to switch off even when I wasn’t thinking about anything).

I will not lose anymore moments of living & Simply BEing.

I will shift the focus from my mind & into my body.
My heart centre & encase myself in the warmth of my own beautiful beating heart.
My centre.
My sanctuary.
My sacred stillness.
The heart centre of my personal auric field.

So I will leave the blog there………..

As always……..

Wherever you are in the world/Great Mother Gaia. I hope you have a blessed day/night.


©KM2023