Shine, Baby Shine Blog 18/03/2023

I’ve had a strange 2weeks.

With the same estranged family member popping up in dreams & not understanding why (I’ve tried reaching out before but we’re not in touch).

I just feel to walk away from what no longer resonates.

It’s like coming out of a storm. When I started my Spiritual awakening journey (the through the cov!d crap) I tried to wake up as many as I could.

I’ve been feeling & seeing the split for a while now & I can no longer try & wake those who aren’t ready or who are happily contented with where they are.

It’s Mother’s Day in the UK tomorrow & I don’t even feel like celebrating it.
Surely everyday with your kids is Mother’s Day?.
Every moment you spend together you each grow & evolve.
The day seems really commercialised & that’s how it feels to me.
Although some may not be with us in the physical, they are always around us in the Spiritual.

I’m also at a crossroads in my life regarding my job & my relationship.

It’s a stage of my evolutionary journey where I’m looking at everything to see if it’s evolved &/or it it’s in alignment.

Can this grow & evolve?.
Or is this happy where it is (“is what it is” clique).

I AM shifting.
I AM evolving.

I know I AM because I can feel it. I can sense it.

It’s like…………

I’ve been observing for a while & now is the time to make choices & take chances.

I’m aware & I remember I’ve been through tougher cycles & broken them (depression, anxiety, loneliness, battles with fear of the unknown with a dash of anxiety “What If’s” thrown into the mix).

I feel I’m coming back into alignment (especially when I haven’t been looking after myself whilst trying to be Superwoman & not eating/sleeping properly).

A cycle which has been acknowledged, healed & released.

A cycle which I’m happy to say is breaking & now I’m at the stage of tying up loose ends & boxing it & placing it on the “Broken Cycles” shelf in my mind.

The past 2weeks have brought me back down to centre.

I’ve felt weak.
I’ve felt exhausted.
I’ve felt drained.
I felt my body needed a 24hr hibernation nap.

One thing that is coming to me & ringing clear in these moments is, I will no longer put myself & my needs last (my children’s needs come first & foremost & that will never change).

My children’s needs, then mine.

Like a friend *L* said last week “You’re a mum. If you break it all comes crashing down”.

I used to fear being on my own when I was a kid & growing up. I was always looking for someone to guide & support me.

When a relationship broke down in 2012 (granted it was toxic & it triggered the worst time of my life). I was desperate for someone to love me (hence the 6x 1night stands in a space of 6-8months) in that period of my life.

I realise now the only reason I was so desperate back then was because I wasn’t like everyone else. My teeth aren’t straight (I have a small top jaw & cross bite). I wasn’t skinny. I was self conscious of my boobs & frequently dressed like a Tom Boy.

Bottom line, I didn’t love myself enough.

And this to me is a monumental cycle which stems from my teens years upto the present day.

Maybe if I loved & helped myself the same way I did for others. Maybe just maybe things would be different.

But as a dear one *C* always says “We’re exactly where we need to BE”.

2012- at the time I felt it broke me.

But I’m realising it didn’t break me what I went through.
It made me strong.
It changed me.
It made me roar & allowed MY voice to be heard.
It made me determined, brave & unafraid.

2020 was another hard year. Add my Spiritual Awakening Journey into the mix.

Last Summer was hard when a special group split.

I feel in these moments that I’ve walked through a storm with a few tornadoes in.

I’m finally coming out the other side into the sun lit clearing.

And guess what I’ve found?.

Self Love & Self Forgiveness.

I understand now why some souls told me to “Focus On Yourself”.

Because that’s where the Magick lies.

Right at the centre of one’s own beautifully unique heartbeat.

When we truly embrace the power to truly love & accept ourselves. To acknowledge our own needs (mental health, fitness, nutrition) & to actively put nurturing mindfullness practices into place.

To fully & wholeheartedly Love ourselves & know truly…….

I AM ENOUGH.
I LOVE WHO I AM.
I LOVE MY BODY.
I LOVE MYSELF.

That’s a power no one can take away from you.

Self Love.
Self Forgiveness.
Self Belief.

You were never broken.

You were being remade.
You were being renewed.
You were being revived.

Your old life was no longer serving your purpose.
It was no longer in alignment.
It no longer resonated.

I wrote a few lyrics yesterday (17/03/2023) whilst speaking to a cherished one & I wanted to put it here as these are the lyrics which came to me.

“Shine, Baby Shine. It’s your time. You’ll be fine”.

Never have lyrics rung truer than in those moments.

I know I’ve gone slightly off track with this blog. Yet I feel I’ve tied up a few cycles & they will be going on the “Broken Cycles” shelf.

Wherever you are in the world/Great Mother Gaia. I hope you have a blessed day/night.

©KM2023