Evolved *ALOT of Swearing* Blog 30/01/2023

*Contains alot of swearing*

Sitting here & felt inspired to blog.

I’ve learnt a lot these past few years & especially this past month.

I’m beginning to fully know & realise.

Who was there for me.
Who was there for that chapter.
Who never was there for me.

It really hit me hard over the last 24hrs.

Like a feeling you try to shake but it’s unshakeable.

To me it ultimately came down to frequencies.

You see as you evolve up the Spiritual Awakening spiral & continue to raise your vibrational frequency.

You shed layers/behaviours/cycles of what no longer resonates for you.

Sometimes you might even drift apart from individuals no longer on your frequency/wavelength.

It’s totally normal.

For example- I’ve no interest in bitching, gossiping or being told someone else’s business. So I have drifted away from those who do enjoy that sort of stuff.

I also won’t go to places where I feel uneasy/not welcome. I’ve had times in the past where I did show up unexpectedly & felt like a twat.

Yeah, I won’t be doing that anymore.

Yesterday I went somewhere as I felt I needed to observe & see for myself the situation. So I went & the universe knows my feelings on the matter. All I remember thinking was “it shouldn’t be like this”.

Before my Spiritual Awakening Journey I was seen as……..

People pleaser.
Didn’t stand up for myself.
Push over.

And the thing is, I think if those I’m no longer close to hear my name, those words will still pop into their head.

“Oh yeah, I know her she’s XYZ……”.

Someone could know you your whole life & still not know the true you.

I know for a fact, very few people know who I AM now in these moments.

My close circle is probably more tighter than my arsehole.


I trust very few as I know a majority of the time people are only after gossip/a hold over you.

No, I’m not living my life the matrix/traditional way & I fully don’t intend to. As I never agreed with what I was taught growing up.

Who the fuck uses algebra in adult life?.

The only pie I’ve ever used is one which was to be eaten.

These last few years you may have seen a divide.

Those who chose to follow what they saw on TV & those who didn’t.

I believe feeling like the black sheep a majority of the time in my life, saved me.

As I was used to not following the crowd.

I remember when I was 15 at hospital getting my teeth looked at for possible jaw surgery & thinking “I don’t wanna be like everyone else”.

Yeah, I kicked my own arse years later for wanting to look “normal/pretty”.

But when I woke up (Spiritual Awakening Journey) it was like jigsaw pieces coming together.

Sure 15 year old me did make mistakes, but not getting jaw surgery wasn’t one of them.

I don’t regret it. Even when I see the dentist now & they mention it. I’m like nope I’m ok thanks.

I sometimes think what life could have been like if I followed my dreams at 15 instead of following the crowd (typical boy crazy teenager).

But, my life wouldn’t be how it is now.

So I don’t regret any stepping stones which have lead me to this moment.

I know I’m the cycle breaker in my lineage & it’s a role I don’t take lightly.

I don’t want to be the ancestor who followed the rules/the traditional route.

I want to be the crazy ancestor who paved a new path.

A healthier & more healed path.

I don’t want those who are here now & those yet to come, having to go through & clear the trauma work I didn’t clear.


I’m gonna fucking do it!.

That’s why when 1 cycle pops up, I don’t shy away from it & sometimes another pops up just after 1 is cleared.

Sometimes you have to lighten the load so you can spread your wings & fly.

How you gonna fly when you’re carrying years worth of emotional/mental baggage??.

Shadow work.
Inner work.
Trauma work.
Boundaries (firm fucking boundaries).

You can’t take negative vibes into the New 5D Earth.

It would be like taking anger into Heaven.

It just wouldn’t work.

And yes, healing hurts.

It hurts so much sometimes you just want to cry & let it all out.

So cry (crying is the way the body cleanses & releases stored emotions).

Dive deep into those emotions.

Go straight to the root & rip that motherfucker out!

Out if you feel to.

But remember to release.

For me it’s like onion layers.

You get through 1 and you’ve got another to go through & so on.

But gradually things should get easier & lighter.

Til the day you can look back & not feel any low vibes anymore (anger, resentment, sorrow etc).

The day you don’t get triggered.

It’s a surreal feeling when you’re no longer triggered at something/someone that used to piss you off/make you angry.

Ultimately once you fully heal from something, no one can use it as ammunition against you.

You’ll be the master of your own mind & inner peace.

Master your thoughts & the rest should fall into place.


Keep going.
Go for a walk in Great Mother Gaia.
Tai Chi.
Salt baths.



Live your life.

There’s only 1 of you in that beautifully unique body of yours.


Shine brightly.

Wherever you are in the world/Great Mother Gaia. I hope you have a blessed day/night.


Observer (Cycles) Blog 27/01/2023

Today’s moments………..

I woke up feeling angry (due to being triggered by a moment yesterday).

I deeply listened to how i was feeling & it wasn’t anger.

Under the mask of anger was sadness hidden in a corner crying & looking at an old wound & wondering if the wound had healed.

I spent the early moments thinking & trying to word how I was planning on putting things (3hr conversation in my mind with the Universe listening to every word, feeling & thought).

I came to a conclusion & I knew I needed to speak my truth.

I ultimately ended up wording things on a private group chat & letting my loved ones know how I was feeling.

It wasn’t just a few days worth of emotions/thoughts.

It was 7 months worth.

From how I had felt back then (but that version of me is totally different to how I am in these moments).

I have changed, shifted & evolved.

Yet it wasn’t the old me writing (the soft marshmallow trying to keep things together).

It was who I had evolved into writing & flowing with the words.

I invisage the old me crying & trying to hold things together & pleas of ‘why?’ & trying to fix everything for everyone involved.

Over the last 7 months I’ve undergone a transformation & I’ve broken a lot of cycles (no matter how reluctant I was at 1st to face & feel them).

There’s only so much you can brush under the carpet before that mole hill becomes a mountain.

I needed to be honest with my loved ones as I knew I was close to going into hermit mode & isolating myself (another cycle).

So I let the words flow & soon those words turned into a paragraph or 2.

Yet I didn’t feel worried.

I wasn’t 2nd & 3rd guessing what I was writing/what was coming up.

I wrote it the best I could (granted it wasn’t as eloquently put as I’d hoped. After all, I did have a full 3hr conversation in my head a few minutes prior to the actual write out of it all).

As nasty as those 1st few months were with the group going their separate ways.

As much as I missed those weekly meet ups.

As much as I went over how we had gotten there over & over in my head & the amount of times I’d blamed myself for relying on them too much (co-dependancy/advice).

I didn’t engage in conversations as I’d placed each of them on a peddlestool. I listened & marvelled at what each of them had to say.

I also was focused on raising the Vibration nearly everytime I was there so much so I would slightly zone out in a medative state.

I’d also avoid going sometimes & isolated myself when I felt my vibrational frequency wasn’t up to par (feeling low & anxious).

I was also so worried about draining them (by my low mood at times) mentally for me it made me feel worse.

Spiritually I did at times feel inferior (victimhood mentality) as they are such beautiful beings both inside & out.

They seemed to have their shit/lives together/sorted.

Ultimately Spiritually wise, I felt I didn’t measured up at times.

I’m able to write this up now as an observer from that past version of myself.

Had I written this as soon as things changed, I doubt I’d of been able to stop crying & over explain things.

But those are past feelings/thoughts which I’ve gone through & faced today.

Another onion layer of healing complete & shifted.

But that isn’t the only relationship which has shifted.

I had a moment whilst I was watering my plants by the window & caught 1 of my neighbours/friend’s driving.

I knew someone was with her & teaching her.

I felt a warm glow of happiness sweep over me.

I was/am proud of her.

You see our friendship took a turn a few months ago especially when I found a new job.

Then I got pissed off 1 day being called neighbour not friend.

I’m not gonna lie, I was pissed off.

After all the years of helping, sorting, advising etc. I did think ‘what the fuck?’.

But then I realised (those many weeks ago).
I needed to take a step back & not help as much (as it was starting to get to me).

So I took a step back (well maybe a big leap back).
I ghosted for a few weeks & focused on myself.
It was much needed.

Yet as the weeks have gone by.
I feel she has evolved.
I’d like to think she has gone through a cycle of transformation.
And has ultimately healthily trusted herself & relied upon her self at new levels.

It’s a cycle which beautifully ties into the past 7months.

I did message the individual to say I’m proud of her.

Granted I found out that she wasn’t driving a friend was but still, I’m still proud of her.

It does make me think & wonder.

If the group didn’t spread their wings & each go their own way.

Would I have truly found myself?.

I doubt it.

And that’s why I’m grateful for all I have learned in the past 7months (and I am grateful for my life & the beautiful souls around me both physically & spiritually).

I’m also loving who I’ve become (both inside, outside & spiritually).

I’m gonna leave the blog there as I don’t feel there’s much more I need to write.

Wherever you are in the world/Great Mother Gaia. I hope you have a blessed day/night.


7 Months & 7 Beautiful Souls Blog 25/01/2023

It’s crazy how your life can change in a few moments, minutes, hours, days, months & even years.

I listened to a message that I was sent a while ago (“You might want to listen to this recording more than once”).

I listened to the recording last night & it was like I was ticking off a list of what I’d learned/changed.

*♡* Co Dependancy cycle- Broken.

*☆* Heart Palpation/Anxiety cycle- Broken.

*♡* Raising Frequencies (asking the Heart first) – Sort of.

*☆* Not seeking advice unless the individual would be open to holistic therapies- Done (I’ve actually had family/friends come to me asking for holistic/spiritual advice).

*♡* Observing not Absorbing- Done.

*☆* BEing mindful of where my energy goes- Done & Daily.

*♡* Cleansing my auric field daily- Sort of (by visualisation or breathwork).

*☆* Shifting focus from Head to Heart- Done (I love feeling those uniquely beautiful beats).

*♡* Mindful & aware who I chill/see/visit- Always (and to be honest I’ve become a bit of a hermit as of late as I’m so cocooned in my high vibe energy bubble, at times I’m reluctant to come out of it).

*☆* Speaking from my heart & pausing my mind for a moment- Done (in the past I’ve had a tendancy to over express/over explain round & round in circles as if seeking validation from who I’m talking to. That cycle has been broken. If I’m unsure I’ll observe & feel out any vibes I may pick up. “Does this individual want help or just someone to bitch to?”).

*♡* Healing the parental bond- Done.

In the past when I visited my family home there was always some drama or petty bickering which I would be drawn into.
That dynamic has changed.
I’ve gone weeks without going round sometimes & we kept in touch by phonecalls (especially over the Christmas period as both sides were under the weather).
My father even asked for a natural remedy to get over the flu. I brought him round fresh lemons, fresh ginger, organic honey & lemon & ginger tea bags.
I made up the brew for each of them.
I also recommend an Echinacea tincture.
Lately I’d also like to add my mother has started to wake up (she’s anti going to the Gp at present).
When my mother had an ear infection recently I recommended she put a clove of garlic in her ear (garlic is anti bacterial).
I also recommended a clove of garlic applied to the chest & covered with a plaster to help bring up phlegm from cold/flu symptoms. As well as Eucalyptus essential oil added to hot water in a bowl & covering your head with a towel. The steam will help clear the sinuses & congestion. I’ve also learnt that cayenne pepper powder (1 teaspoon added to a cup of water & drank) has blood & heart benefits. I normally add a light sprinkling to my food to boost my immune system (especially in the winter). Ginger, honey, garlic, cayenne pepper, jerk seasoning spices, lemon & pomegranate seeds have been by go to foods lately.

*☆* Change of job- Done. I’ve been with my current company for a few months now & I’m happy. I get to come home & see the sunrise aswell as have the rest of the day to myself. It fits perfectly around my home life & it’s given me some headspace in the quiet of those early moments (who knew cleaning could be so therapeutic). Plus my new bosses are great & very down to Earth. I’m really enjoying working there (I don’t even mind the early morning starts). My mental health at work is alot better too (previous job wasn’t too great) however if I feel I’m experiencing anxiety, my supervisor is very approachable & in the early days If I was feeling low/anxious I did ask her to keep an eye on me & she did. I’m grateful to have met her (she’s also anti gp & pills, which I’ve picked up on) which is great. She reminds me of my mother in a way (of just getting on with things).

Alot has changed in the last 7months.

Looking back at who I was last June 2022 is like looking at a stranger.

Granted, I may have slipped into a new mindspace of keeping myself to myself instead of relying too much on others. I do wonder if that’s another cycle which may need to be looked at soon as my Spiritual Awakening/Evolutionary Journey continues.

I do still think of them. The loved ones who went their separate ways in June. However I no longer feel sad about it like I used to back then. In June when it happened it felt like I’d done something wrong, abandonment & loss (victimhood vibes).

However as the months passed, I began to deeply understand why it needed to happen. I needed to find myself, like truly find myself (instead of relying on others & feeling like I’m not measuring up to them on a Spiritual level). I stopped seeking the answers outside of myself (Spiritual gurus/channels on YouTube). I stopped looking on Social media. I even stopped posting unnecessary stuff/talking on the group chat.

Now days I only go on the group chat & post if I feel to & I’m more mindful & aware of what I choose to share.

‘Is it necessary?, Is what I’m about to share high vibe or relevant?, Will I regret posting/saying this? Am I seeking guidance or just having a bitch?’.

I’m observing everything I do from mindfulness to actions/inter actions with those around me daily.

I’ve also stopped rushing around like a headless chicken trying to get everything done. I’ll sort it/be there in my own time.

Heart palpations if they’re felt, get brushed off now.
Am I breathing deeply instead of shallow breathing?
Have I rested/slept?
Have I eaten properly?
Have I gone outside & soaked up some Vitamin D?
Have I grounded?
Have a cleansed my aura?
Are these emotions what I’m feeling mine?.
Am I getting enough vitamins/minerals?.
Pink Himlayian Salt contains alot of minerals. Add to meals after meal has been cooked (I remember *K* telling me that).
Same goes for the anxiety loop.

I’m also writing in my diaries daily as well as taking up daily Tai Chi breathing exercises.

I’m also mindful of what I watch (medical shows after a few episodes tend to raise anxiety levels slowly, so I end up taking a break for a day or 2 from watching them).

After all, what we watch our mind percieves as real.

I’m finally in a routine which works & that I’m happy in.

I’m approachable, not accessible. I have kept myself to myself if I notice behavioural patterns in others (Eg- bitching & gossiping). As it reminds me of how draining I must of been all those long months ago. Behaviours going round & round in a loop & not changing.

It’s made me have a deeper understanding of why the group split.

We (I for one) needed to find myself.

I needed to find who I came here to be (my original name).

Ultimately I needed to believe in myself.

How does one truly find themselves if they’re constantly relying on others?.

Plus if one isn’t putting the work in, the situation can turn into an energy drainer.

That was me 7months ago.

There’s nothing but love, respect, gratitude & held space for those beautiful souls.

Though each of us may have gone our separate ways.

For me personally there’s still a door open in my heart should any of them should they wish to reconnect/talk again.

There’s no animosity or bitterness.

Only love & gratitude.

Speaking for myself, I needed to truly find myself & connect with who I came here to be.

Even if I felt sad & depressed those 1st few months apart. It needed to happen.

I love each of your beautiful souls & I hope your journey is a blessed one.

I love you.


Twin Flames & 144 Blog 24/01/2023

I wanted to blog about the Twin Flame phenomenon that some may be encountering/may have encountered on their Spiritual Awakening Journey.

Twin Flames are halves of the same soul.

The connection can feel intense.

For me, I experienced a few moments of craziness.

I started dreaming of someone in 2020.

I initially brushed it off as ‘a dream’ & as a regret for a missed opportunity in my childhood years.

However the Universe works in mysterious ways.

The dreams didn’t stop.

Just when I thought ‘ok I haven’t dreamt of them in a while. It must of been an ego attachment’.

There’s another dream.

I’d block them out.

Even to the point of not over analysing the dream or repeating the dream over & over in my mind in my waking hours that day.

I reached out to someone who I thought it was. I over expressed. I didn’t tell them anything about what happened/what was said in the dreams, only that I’d seen them.

It started to become an itch that really began to bug me.

No matter how much I researched into twin flames, I knew there was a line in the sand.

A line which I wasn’t prepared to cross (mainly because I knew the person didn’t remember me). Plus I assumed if I was having dreams about them, then maybe they might of seen me a few times too.

The first few months were a nightmare.

It was an inner emotional rollercoaster.

It often felt like I was cheating on my partner as I was stuck in a loop of over analysing dreams & trying to figure out what the Universe was telling me.

“Universe why are they always there?, what are you trying to tell me?”.

Then I came across a post with my magic number on it which triggered me even more.


A sacred number synchronicity.

The post stated the 144 were twin flames.


My mind spiralled into over thinking mode.

I spoke to my soul tribe about it. And I remember one saying all souls are whole.

Which did take the edge off it especially as I was trying to tell the difference between actual twin flames or an infatuation (ego crush).

I was also trying to sort my ego out due to twin flames being rare & special.

I still have dreams.

I still write my dreams down (regardless of if they’re in it or not).

I did go a period of not writing my dreams down.
Then BAM!
They’re back in a dream again & the rollercoaster was more like a ride down a calm stream as I’d write the dream down & brush it off.

It was like having to wean yourself off the Spiritual high of the Twin Flame phenomenon.

I’ve come across social posts of people getting obsessed with the whole concept & I didn’t want to get hooked into that.

Some of the posts I’d read felt desperate, sad, consumed & lonely.

Some felt like stalker vibes (utterly obsessed/consumed).

In truth whether they are or they aren’t, I’ll still care about them & hope they’re doing well.

I won’t cross that line in the sand regardless.

It can feel like rejection when you approach a false twin flame/if someone’s not awake/aware of the concept.

At times you may even start to doubt yourself.

The ‘see me, see me’ cycle was another toxic aspect of it for me (aswell as the ego kicking in now & again) plus the over analysing dreams.

Twin Flames meet when they’re meant to/destined to.

And that happens by each of them clearing, healing & evolving.

I know just as I clear & break old cycles so too do they.

Like “don’t worry I’ve got this, you rest & I’ll transform/shift the energies”.

And visa versa.

I’m evolving whether I’m a twin flame or not.

Just because I’m focused on healing, breaking cycles & evolving.

Doesn’t mean I’m not approachable to help others.

I’m not sure if there’s anymore I can add to the blog.

One things for sure.

I’m trusting my soul & my soul journey.

If we cross paths in this life, ok.
If we don’t, then we don’t.

Regardless, I’m still to aim to raise my vibrational frequency, focus on breaking & healing cycles & evolve.

I hope your Twin Flame journey is alot less bumpy.

Wherever you are in the world/Great Mother Gaia. I hope you have a blessed day/night.


What I’ve Learned So Far Blog 24/01/2023

So today I woke up from a dream feeling uneasy. These emotions continued whilst I was getting ready for work even to the point of ‘should I go in today?’.

A potential panic/anxiety attack loomed in my mind. However I was in the frame of mind of being productive instead of sitting at home with my head in my hands trying to understand & over analyse the dreams meaning.

So in those moments I reminded myself Who I AM & went to work. I spoke to the Universe & spoke an affirmation which came easily to me & stated I DO NOT CONSENT to lastnights dream.

I thanked the Universe along the way to work & from work also. I played high vibe music & imagined the Solfeggio Frequency Hertz being 432hz (the Solfeggio Frequency of healing).

Now some of you may have already heard of or be familiar with the term Original Name.

The name of your soul & who you are (who your universal Soul Parents are, your strengths, gifts & awards etc).

Some may be new to this term.

For some this life isn’t their 1st reincarnation.

However for some it may be their very 1st incarnation into this dimension/realm/Earth.

Some of you may be familiar with Dolores Cannon. Dolores’ book The Three Waves of Volunteers & The New Earth explains the time humanity are in now (the split/shift of the 3D/4D Earth & the 5D New Earth).

If you’ve been feeling stressed, anxious or easily triggered of late I highly recommend you give this book a read.

For me……..

I AM the frequency.
I AM the Vibration.
I AM an energy alchemist.

I shifted my vibrational frequency in today’s early moments & I continued after I left work also.

Some may be feeling low, anxious, stressed, easily triggered of late.

My advice to you is to turn off the TV/radio/mainstream media.
Focus on your breathing.
We’re in the era of moving from head to heart.
Our soul centre.
Go for a walk in Nature/Great Mother Gaia(watching the river/sea can feel so cleansing).

*****Meditation technique I came up with*****

*♡* Sit in a comfortable position (this can vary to how you’re sitting. Some may be sitting cross legged whilst some may be sitting in a chair).

*☆* Close your eyes.

*♡* Imagine the soles of your feet/bum/spine connecting to the floor.

*☆* Now, imagine roots coming from the soles of your feet connecting into the ground.
Steadily rooting you into Great Mother Gaia.
Can you feel the warmth?.
The security.

*♡* Now imagine a golden ray of light coming from the top of your head & rising upwards towards the universe.
The ray supporting your head, spine & centre. Gently holding you upright.

Can you feel the buzz of energy?.

Now turn your focus to your heart.

*☆* Take 4-5 deep slow breaths in. And 4-5 slow breaths out.

*♡* With each breath in imagine your lungs are wings.
Steadily going in as they close.

*☆* And spreading wide as they go out as you take a breath out.

*♡* Tune into the warmth of your heart & the calming melody of your heartbeat.

Repeat 5 times or until you feel calmer/more at ease.

This meditation technique is also handy to practice each time you meditate. As the longer you focus on your deep breathing the easier it will be to get into a meditative state of mind each time you meditate (at times it can also trigger the natural release of DMT from the pineal gland). In some of my previous meditations years ago I experienced the feeling like wave of bliss, love & joy.

*Tip* I found meditating with candles/crystals (of choosing. Eg- Rose quartz for Love, Amethyst for spiritual connection, Tiger’s eye/black tourmaline/obsidian for protection from negative vibes etc) can enhance the atmosphere/vibration of the meditation.

You can also light an incense stick or dried herbs (White Sage, Palo Santo, Rosemary etc).

Candles- Once you’re in that meditave frame of mind. Slowly open your eyes & gaze at the candles flame. What colours/shapes do you see?.

These are handy exercises if you’re new to your Spiritual path or are looking for more information or are just looking for a way to relax & connect with yourself.

After I’ve finished my meditation I always thank the universe/my angels/my spiritual team/guardian angels/ancestors.

Sometimes I also like to do pull a card (oracle cards). Depending on my mood.

Sometimes I may feel tired, energised, blissed out or calm.

I’ve also experienced moments where I’ve gone into a meditation tired & after woken up more & fully of energy. Sometimes it’s been the other way around (energised then tired).

Keeping a dream diary/journal can also help.

I did try uploading a voice note to my Instagram this week (but it was too long).

I say this very lightly.
Nothing can affect you unless you’re on that vibrational frequency.

I’m aware some have been feeling easily triggered by what’s been playing out in regards to the dark narrative (mainstream media, news, TV, newspapers).

Please remember to OBSERVE not ABSORB.

The energy you imit from fear, depression, anger etc feeds the dark enterties.

If you’ve ever experienced a night terror & briefly waking up feeling like your being syphoned (energy being sucked from you) you might understand. Some may also have seen shadow people.

It’s normally the cycle of when you’re feeling low, somehow more shit seems to come.

And release.



No one said a Spiritual Awakening was easy.

We each go up & down the energy spiral in each moment (thought, feeling & action).

Strengthen your mind.
Trust your heart.
Listen to your soul.
Speak to the Universe/Soul team.
Reach out to those on your wavelength/frequency/soul tribe. Whether good or bad keep that connection.

You have a Soul Tribe/physical support in this realm/dimension for a reason.

You also have an army behind your back in the Spiritual Realm.

Encouraging you.
Supporting you.
Loving you.
Guiding you.
Always with you.

*Talk to them (you can also do this through your thoughts) & ask for a sign*

Keep your eyes open, soon you will see one. And the synchronicities will follow from there.

Never be afraid to reach out. There isn’t just 1 dark night of the soul (sometimes there are many) on this evolutionary journey.

Keep going.

Trust Who You Are & Who You Came Here To BE.

Wherever you are in the world/Great Mother Gaia. I hope you have a blessed day/night.


It Started With Fairy Lights….. Blog 22/01/2023

💖Fairy Lights🥰

It doesn’t matter how old you are in regards to the magick & wonder you see.

To me fairy lights will always calm me down.
You see as children you may have had imaginary friends, had a favourite film that was filled with magick & wonder, had a favourite place where some may have even seen fae, some may have had a pet who they talked to & the pet talked back.

That sense of wonder, magick, serenity & ultimately sanctuary for your mind.

A place to breathe.
Feel free.
Safe in a cocoon of cosiness & joy.

As we go from those sweet childhood years into adolescence where the teen hormones kick in we start to shift our focus onto adult matters (longing to grow up & move out).

Sure those adult years are cool. Driving, your own personal space, buying what you want, eating whatever you desire, no bedtime etc.

But soon you may hit a crossroads.

A crossroads where you miss the magickal feelings of wonder you had when you were younger.

Your skin may have wrinkles from laughing.
Your bum may be sagging from all the jumping around.
Your hair may be thinning or you might have lost some strands.

A crossroads.

For me I’m on my final week before I turn another year older.

And let me tell you this. I do have regrets.

I regret not kissing my 1st crush at school & telling him I liked him too back then.
I miss not following my own path (as some of those friendships didn’t make it into adulthood).
I wish I found myself 10-20years ago then maybe my path may be different.

Yet, if it had been different.

I wouldn’t have met my soul tribe.

I wouldn’t have 2 beautiful daughters each with their own unique fiery traits.

If the thing that happened in 2012 didn’t happen, I wouldn’t of found my fire.

You see, in Feb 2012 my world was flipped upside down. I lost half my body weight within 24hrs of the scenario (train smoking cigarettes & cans of coke). That path was torture. Every single moment I was on edge. Looking back it took a strong woman to guide me through it & I’ll never forget what she taught me in those 6months I spent sleeping on her sofa. I reminded in these moments how far I’ve come. I remember my Dr saying back then that many wouldn’t have made it through what I was experiencing.
Nearly 13years on, I’m as stubborn as ever.
If that didn’t happen, I wouldn’t have found my strength. Strength I learned from a strong woman. Wisdom which was passed down from aunt to niece.
Ultimately I’m grateful for that 1st ever relationship ending, as I know I would probably still been asleep & pressured into being jibbied.

If I didn’t have my spiritual awakening in 2020, months of ups & downs feeling like you’re going crazy, isolated, easily triggered, grieving for those who took the posion. Then I wouldn’t of found my Sovereignty & wholeheartedly BELIEVING in myself.

If I didn’t keep going through the trials of 2012……..

My 2nd daughter wouldn’t be here.
I wouldn’t of met my partner of nearly 9years.
I wouldn’t of met my soul tribe.
This website wouldn’t exist.
My energy wouldn’t be divinely protecting those I care about.
I wouldn’t have developed my strong intuition (I can sense how you’re feeling without even seeing you in person).
I wouldn’t of discovered Who I AM on a soul level & powerful I truly AM.
I wouldn’t have discovered my divine gifts (like a jigsaw piece coming together).

Sure, I may be looking at a crossroads at present.

But as a dear one once said (well, maybe a few times 😅).

I’m exactly where I’m meant to BE.

I’m not late.
I’m not early.
I haven’t missed anything.

Besides, if you knew the ending of a film would you still want to watch it?.

Same goes for living your life.

I know it’s not easy at times.
Sometimes it may even feel like you’re playing dodge ball constantly & are unable to switch off.

Look how far you’ve already come dear one………….

Seriously take a look.

But there’s no seating area when you take a trip down memory lane.

You have to keep going (like Littlefoot said in the Land Before Time 1 😅).

Sadly, some souls don’t make it to the human age you’re at now.
Some take their exits too soon whether by choice, illness or other circumstances.

If you’ve managed to get this far in the blog.
Bravo 👏 (as I tend to waffle on like deflating fart cushion 🤣).

My point is………..

Never stop creating the life you want. Connect with your inner child (childhood memories of joy, love & laughter). Bring those skills & creativity into your adult life.
And trust me, you’ll create wonders far more magnificent then you could even imagine.

You’re trials made you stronger.
Your tears cleansed you.
The fire in your Sacral chakra (belly) glows.
Your heartbeat is a beautifully unique melody that no one else has/is synchronised with.
Your smile brings joy.
When you step into your divine Sovereignty you shine brightly & radiate more magnificent rays of light more brighter than the Sun himself.
You are as majestic & mysterious as the beautiful glow of the Moon in all of her beautiful cycles.

The Water Lily blooms in darkness & so too have you dear one.

I’m proud of you.
I love you.
I’m glad you’re here & breathing.

I don’t normally put this on blogs but if anyone feels they need someone to talk to. Please feel free to contact me (my contact details are at the bottom of the website). Or alternatively if you follow me on Instagram/Facebook you can contact me there.

As always.

Wherever you are in the world/Great Mother Gaia. I hope you have a blessed day/night.


💖Fairy Lights🥰

The Last 7/8Days Blog 14/01/2023

So as many of you might be wondering…….

‘Where’s she gone? Where’s the next blog?’.

Well here’s blog number 2 of today.

As some of you may be aware, I’ve been struggling with anxiety for the past 3years (heart palpations which triggered the anxiety).

Well you’ll be pleased to know I haven’t touched the prescribed pills.

I’ve spent the last 7/8days doing Tai Chi (thank you TaiFlow on YouTube) for 5-15minutes each morning when I’ve gotten home from work, then writing in 2 of my diaries & I’m also going to bed at a reasonable time & being mindful of what I watch (medical series are a no go at present).

I’m feeling good.
I’m feeling calmer.
And I’d like to say I feel I’ve finally broken that anxiety cycle/behavioural cycle.

I’d like to thank my cherished dear ones (siStars) for reaching out when I went silent/distant & thank you for never giving up on me no matter where you are on Great Mother Gaia.

I AM grateful to you.

I Love You.

I know these last few days are baby steps & I hope to keep up with the momentum.

I’m also stretching & releasing trapped up energy whenever I feel I need to (feelings of feeling unable to switch off, stand still etc). Allowing myself to roar/moan with the movements has been fun (& no I don’t mean that in a kinky way either 😂).

If you’re interested in the position I used to release that pent up tension.

Fetal position on the bed.
Slowly raise your head.
And rock slowly back & forth.
Fully stretching your spine.
Knees under your stomach.
Arms in front helping you slowly push back & forth.
Focusing on your breath.
Feeling your body move back & forth slowly.
I ducked my head down when I went back & lifted it when I went forward.

You’ll know if you’re energy has cleared/shifted as you’ll start to yawn (from your heart chakra), fart or burp 😅 hey it’s all energy being released. You’ll also feel calmer & relaxed.

I’ve been healing & realising alot lately whilst I’ve been in hibernation/solitude mode. And I know I’m stepping into the woman I came here to BE.

The word Become means this to me………..


Wherever you are in the world/Great Mother Gaia. I hope you have a blessed day/night.


Family Tree Blog 14/01/2023

A dear one told me “as you write, you’re healing”.

So here’s the blog I’ve been putting off for so long.

A wound which opens, no matter how many times I think I’ve healed it.


The pattern in mine is whenever the grandparents pass so too does the ties with the rest of the extended family.

Like a pebble being chucked in the river, a ripple effect happens & those ripples get further & further apart until they merge with the river & vanish.

This past week I’ve had emotions & memories which popped up. And I haven’t even put pen to paper this time to write it all out. Instead I’m laying it bare here for all to see.

You see when I was a kid I had a sheltered upbringing (granted my parents used to row & bicker like many do).
I was a spoilt brat growing up.
I remember when I was 7/8 years old, in my room having a tantrum on my bed because I wanted a Vtech toy laptop so badly.

Looking back now in my 30s at the amount of clutter & toys my parents must of thrown out over the years like WTF.
Many meaningless items which were more than likely brought on the spur of the moment/impulse buying.

When I look back at the whole family dynamic I see uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents.

I remember Christmas Day we stayed home yet Boxing Day was Nan’s house or Aunt’s house.

The young childhood/adolescent years were always at Nan’s. I can still remember her sharp tongue (she was a strong Scottish woman who took no nonsense or shit from anyone), I remember her accent & telling me “not to keep looking at the floor like a donkey” or twiddling with my hair anxiously. I even remember her cooking bacon rind on the cooker for a fry up breakfast.

All these memories yet I wasn’t as close to her as some were.

To some she was more than a grandmother, she was a mum.

One of the many elders who I often wish were here to console & advise the ones who really need their voice.

I often wonder if the family members lives would still be the same if the ones who passed on were still here physically.

I hope many paths could be changed & so much pain could be avoided if many of them were still here physically.

In short, I’m not close to my extended family. I’m not in that ‘inner circle’. Some may still percieve me/have a version of me in their heads which no longer exists.

Yet as I’m writing this, maybe it’s me who has attachment issues (looking back at memories & wishing family ties/bonds could be stronger).

Then again, could I truly be myself without worrying if I’m liked or not by merely being in their presence?.

I used to get anxious nearly all the time. Do I fit in?.
Should I have come round?.
Maybe I should of come round another day?.
Shit, did I trauma drop or overly explain things?.
Did I just dump BS/go round to bitch?.
Shit, there’s a BBQ I didn’t know about, should I go home?.
Am I even welcome/wanted round here?.

So many emotions & thoughts I remember & that was even before I knocked on the front door.

I’ve never fitted in.


Despite trying to make appearances (yet bailing out when the anxiety kicked in) & reach out occasionally.

I was looking back & thinking of 1 of my cousin’s these past 2weeks & hoping she was doing well.

I looked back over the FB messenger messages today.
I read them.
Many of them were blue (my side of the messages).
Then something came to me.
‘Let her heal in peace’.

I realised as much as I wanted to message her & say ‘HEY I’M HERE FOR YOU’.
It would of likely fell on deaf ears.
You see, she doesn’t need me messaging her.
She has those around in her close inner circle who she can confide in.
And eventually she will find her way, whether through fire or rain.
She will find her way.

It’s a bitter pill to acknowledge & swallow in these moments to feel like no matter how nice you are, some people just aren’t on your frequency/wavelength no matter how much you just want to jump through the phone & hug them.
They just aren’t on your path anymore.

It’s a really sad feeling.
To actually see (feel & acknowledge).
As the years have gone by that, that ripple has gone further & further out of reach/sight.

Personally for me at times my ego has got in the way when I was thinking & I didn’t want to use attachment words ‘that’s my cousin. I know them’. When the harsh fact is, I haven’t known them since childhood nor they me.

As many are aware I’m very cautious with attachment words (My, I AM, I Will, So it is etc) due to the energy cord that attaches.

Hence I’m more stoosh with where my focus & energy goes since I woke up many years ago.

Coming to the conclusion, maybe I miss the memories because we were close at one point.
There are so many happy memories each of the family members has.

Yet spiritually there’s duality where some memories will hurt more than others.

I hope all who are kin to me in this life are happy & healthy.

I guess that’s one of the reasons I will never do a reading for a family member (as I’d only want to tell them good things plus there’s the personal aspect of being close/knowing a loved one who’s passed).

Don’t get me wrong, I Know my divine gifts & it’s in dreams where I sometimes get most of my warnings from loved ones in spirit to pass on to another member of the family.

Yet I’m still learning & my intuition is heightened.

I think a big thing for me personally is to let go.

Let go of the anxiety (‘will they like me?’) & just fucking get on with my life.

You see, it’s ok to look back at memories but try not to get stuck there.

I’ve been stuck down memory lane for the past 2weeks now I’m ready to shift passed this onion layer of healing & evolve.

Am I the same as I was last year?.
Am I the same as I was 10 years ago?.
Fuck no.
The fun, sarcasm & creativity maybe.

All I know for sure is, I’m 1 of many branches on a big fucking tree & we all grow in different directions.
But we all came from love & we’re all rooted in love.
Man, that tree is fucking strong………

Wherever you are in the world/Great Mother Gaia. I hope you have a blessed day/night.


Breakdown -to- Breakthrough Blog 06/01/2023

It takes me a long time til I feel I’ve reached that breaking point.

I go a while facing ups & downs. Building myself back together piece by piece each time.

Tonight I’ve reached that breaking point.
I found a corner of my front room where I can hide, cuddled a pillow & cried my eyes out. At 1st I couldn’t even cry, I was staring into space not knowing how to respond/react.

I can’t remember the last time I had 8hrs uninterrupted sleep, I can’t remember the last time I ate a meal without thinking how much fat/salt/sugar it contained. I can’t remember what it’s like to actually relax in your own skin without being fully alert all the time. I can’t remember the last time I had my own space/time to myself even for a few minutes/hours. I can’t even remember the last time I called someone & said “hey, I’m really not great can we talk/I need help”.
I can’t remember the last time I had me time/space to do my own thing (dancing, spa day, sorting & adding to my website etc).
I can’t even remember the last time I felt at ease breathing without worrying if the next breath would cause a heart palpitation to happen (crazy right?).

I’m stubborn. It all comes from childhood when I relied on loved ones & then they passed on. That same cycle tended to happen with friendships over my life (people drifted apart).

Somehow over the years, asking for help has become stigmatised “You’re weak, you’re unfit, you’re unstable etc”.

Mental health has been brushed off at times as “oh you’re hormonal, are you on your period/pregnant?, “oh you’re just having a bad day”.

Truth is it’s not something you can brush off. Anxiety & depression creep up on you. Whether it be weeks, months or even years.

My life lately has felt like Groundhog day. An endless loop. Only today I broke down.
I broke down fucking hard to the point I’m hiding in a corner of my front room with my hoody hood up, crying into a pillow, with unopened anxiety & beta blocker pills in my pocket (because my stubborn arse knows I will get through this breakdown just like the other ones I’ve had through the duration of my current life journey).

Yes I’m listening to Lutricia McNeal’s song Stranded over & over wishing loved ones who passed on into Spirit where here with me for comfort & guidance.

Ironically one of the anxiety pill side effects is heart palpitations (so they won’t be getting taken).

I feel so alone right now it’s unbelievable. Yet I refuse to reach out as once when I was a teen I got told “You’re depressing”. Hence why I don’t like burdening anyone with my feelings/problems.

At this moment in time, no I’m not ok. But I know I will be as I know it’s just how I roll. I cry it out, sort myself out & get myself back together again.

It’s ok to not be ok. No one is love & light happy go lucky all the time.

At times I’m sarcasm, swear words & anti social. Other times I’m funny, write a decent blog & in alignment.

Tonight I’m *I need 8-9hrs uninterrupted sleep & a decent cuppa tea/hot chocolate. Oh & a cuddle from someone who genuinely cares about me* might of let slip my relationship is on the rocks too (my choice/decision as some of you may know I can’t stand certain cycles/patterns).

I also know this breakdown is a sign things need to change, as maybe my higher self/who I came here to be has had enough of some of the choices/decisions/crap that has been going on for so long.

My job is great.
I love my kids.
I have ones who are close to me.
I have a partner (although sometimes it feels like I’m single in the relationship).

Mum, cook, cleaner, driver, partner, homemaker, counsellor, friend, auntie, daughter, sister, friend, bitch, witch, goddess.

So many names………

Yet all I want right now at this point is rest, sleep & peace.
I crave it so bad to have a day/week/month/year (s) of no heart palpitations, anxiety, stress, not shouting/raising my voice, no bullshit from anyone. Yet I feel like I’m stuck in a loop & I can’t remember when it all began. It’s that bad.

Maybe this is the breakthrough (not breakdown) that I might possibly needed.

I wonder if any of the spiritual gurus had a similar breakdown/breakthrough moment?.

Funnily enough since I’ve been typing out this blog, my tears have stopped & I’m starting to yawn (heart releasing energy).

I can’t even remember if I’ve ever wrote a raw blog like this before?.

I’ve been sitting in the same spot for nearly an hour now & my arse has gone numb *ouch* 😅🤣

I’m gonna try & nap.

Wherever you are in the world/Great Mother Gaia. I hope you have a blessed day/night.


24hrs (Energy & Palms) Blog 06/01/2023

I wanted to share a moment I had yesterday whilst I was sitting waiting to be seen at the Drs.

A man was talking to the receptionist saying he needed to see a specific doctor as the Dr was aware of his condition. The man was feeling dizzy & had hearing loss. The receptionist wasn’t helpful, she stated the man needed to fill out a form online in the morning to be triaged & they would call him to arrange an appointment. The man said he had no access to the internet. She then stated he should call up the next day (hello, the man is hard of hearing).

Whilst I was hearing that conversation, the centre of my palms warmed up. I wasn’t angry (my whole body didn’t go warm like it was ready for a confrontation). It was like an activation.

Like my body was telling me ‘hey, this man needs healing & you’re a healer’. I sent him healing energy yesterday & also someone I know (they were also at the drs).

Despite the receptionist telling people who called up for an appointment that they were clinically full for the day. It was a crock. There was only 4 people before me when I was waiting. Atleast 3 drs & medical staff & office staff.

Those 4 people in the waiting room saw exactly the same Dr as me.

The waiting room was practically empty.

I was astonished by what I was hearing & observing.

Spiritually I know it’s waking people up (turning to natural remedies/cures).

Yet in those moments yesterday I was annoyed at the injustice. Millions of people around the world who need medical help & to think some drs surgeries (similar to mine) turning people away.
What if you’re not tech savvy?.
What if you have hearing/speech problems & need to speak to someone face to face?.

Fast forward to today’s moments.

I was looking back through my book of shadows (a witches grimoire).

2018. Turns out I was already doing what I knew to do.

If you’ve got this far on this blog.

I’d like you to take a moment to look at the palms of your hands.

Look at the patch of palm under your little fingers.

What do you see?.

Do you see lines (like skin toned zebra stripes)?.

If so they are the mark of the healer.

If you have them on both palms you were also a healer in a past life.

Now open your palms wide & look at the centre of your palms.

Do you see a cross?.

That mark is called the mystic cross.

You can find more information by looking up palmistry.

I found this website

Also an interesting read.

My point of this blog is….

Your destiny has always been in your hands.

Many gifts are being uncovered now. Trust your divine intuition.

Trust yourself.

Wherever you are in the world/Great Mother Gaia. I hope you have a blessed day/night.


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